Feeling Foggy – Autism Fears

I’ve been in a bit of a brain fog lately. My oldest, L, is in school full time now as a third grader and it all feels mostly settled. I didn’t send my vaccination info to the school yet to be approved as a volunteer. I’m just waiting for a little bit later. I felt like I did so much, and volunteered so much, when L was in preschool, kinder, first and second, and now I think I am taking a “me” break. I am honestly tired. I think for the winter I will try to hibernate and do a lot of self care. I recently lost twenty pounds over the past couple of months and I think that took a bit of a toll on me as well. I need some recovery time!

So on to G. He’s also pretty settled into his routine at ABA therapy right now. Sometimes his therapists can’t come on random mornings due to COVID scares or other reasons. Sometimes G and I take off the the nearest nature park and walk for an hour or two until I can take him to therapy to complete most of his day. Overall it’s a good plan and has been great for him, but now the rainy weather is also settling in. It’s such a comfort for nature to keep humming along. We don’t have to ask it to carry on with its schedule – it just all happens. Then we work around it but that’s not always easy. I keep thinking back to a moment back in March when I was so sick of the cold, wet weather. I remember taking a picture of my frozen hands, wet with water and specks of dirt and grass, after going back into the car after struggling on a walk with G. I was going to send it to my husband and complain about how I was feeling but I never did. I really dread having those feelings come up again. At least I feel more healthy now and positive about these walks and maybe this season won’t be so bad. It’s only a few months – we can do this.

In the midst of preparing myself mentally for what’s to come this fall and winter, I have felt like G is a little stuck. As I clean up my notes and research there are always a lot of things about G that are still the same a year, even two years later. When I read the accounts online of other parents, who say their 26 year old is mentally like a 4 year old, it scares me. I don’t want G to be like that and I feel like we have done so much, so very much.